In our hyperconnected world, why logging off to tune in is the mental reset we didn’t know we needed.
by Juliet Lam Kuehnle
If you were to complete an honest “digital mapping” of your day, noting each and every time you picked up or turned to a device, you might be surprised by how much of your time is devoted to scrolling. This also includes our professional work. According to the Harvard Business Review, the average professional checks email 74 times a day and switches tasks on their computer 566 times per day! We live in a world where our devices go with us to the bathroom, into bed and on vacation. While technology has helped us stay connected, it’s also keeping us chronically overstimulated, emotionally drained and mentally scattered.
We live in a hustle culture that celebrates productivity and wearing busyness as a badge of honor, further driving unwanted and excessive tech use. We have to learn to set intentional habits and reclaim agency in a world designed to hijack our attention.
It’s not just lack of willpower, but neuroscience that also impacts our habits. Every ping, scroll and swipe activates our brain’s dopamine reward system. That tiny hit of pleasure we get when someone likes a post or when we open a new notification or email is by behavioral design. Over time, the constant stimulation can leave our nervous systems stuck in a sympathetic state (fight or flight) that struggles to settle because our brains aren’t meant to be “on” all the time.
According to the American Psychological Association, digital distractions contribute to decreased focus, higher rates of anxiety and burnout, poorer sleep quality, and increased loneliness. The very thing that’s supposed to keep us connected is often what leaves us feeling most disconnected from ourselves and others.
But actually, our devices aren’t the villain. They’re tools and they can be used with intention or mindlessly out of habit. This is where we have to have digital boundaries as a form of self-care. We can learn to bring more intentionality to the moments we turn to tech so that we can make different choices.
We often turn to our devices for one of three reasons: distraction from discomfort, connection or reassurance, or a sense of control. Being aware of the why behind your use helps you make more intentional choices.
When you reach for your device, ask yourself: Am I tired, bored, lonely or anxious? What else might soothe that part of me right now?
Juliet Lam Kuehnle, owner of Sun Counseling and Wellness
You can start with a micro-boundary. This is one small, simple shift that adds friction to a mindless habit. Move your social media apps off the home screen. Set a daily screen time limit and actually honor it. Mute or unfollow accounts that leave you feeling insecure or emotionally activated. Curating your digital environment is mental-health hygiene.
You can also reclaim your mental space by creating tech-free transitions. Our brains need cues to shift from work mode to rest mode and to stop the endless scrolling. Try leaving your phone in another room for the first and last 30 minutes of your day, not allowing screens during mealtimes, or ending your day with a low-stimulation ritual (i.e. stretching, journaling or reading a real book).
You are allowed to log off. You don’t have to be available 24/7. Set the out-of-office message. Let the text wait. Put your phone away at dinner. These are acts of self-respect and protection of your mental well-being. You get to choose how — and how often — you interact with technology, not the other way around. Start small with one habit, one limit or one intentional pause. The more present you are in real life, the more resilient and grounded your nervous system becomes. We want technology to serve us, not control us.
Juliet asked some of her colleagues at Sun Counseling & Wellness to respond to the following question:
What’s one thing you wish more people understood about the impact of our relationship with technology on mental or emotional well-being?
Technology can really pull us away from true human connection. Without that connection our mental and emotional health truly takes a hit. We must focus on spending less time in front of a screen and more time fully present with those around us. — Hailey Goodwin
Social media is a highlight reel/not real life, and having access at your fingertips has its perks but also has its downfalls (i.e. it’s overwhelming to our brain, there is possibility for misinformation). There can be a vicious cycle as we look to tech to help us connect and belong, but our brain isn’t actually getting the nourishment or satisfaction from this type of connection compared to when we connect in-person. — Jackie Greco
I just had a weekend during which I truly took time off of my professional and personal email and it was in that ‘quiet’ from the noise that I truly realized how NOISY social media and digital consumption can be! It was a wonderfully ‘quiet’ weekend during which I was truly present for my family and friends. — Claire McCullough
Technology makes it feel like every text message/notification is urgent, but just because you are “free” doesn’t mean you have to be available. Technology makes people have unlimited access to us, and sometimes that comes with people feeling like they are entitled to our time. If a friend calls you and you are available but don’t have the emotional capacity to answer the phone – you don’t have to! — Amanda Capriato
Remember that most people are showing a highlight reel of their lives. It’s rare that people are also showing the lows in their day to day experiences. As a result, be mindful of how you may be comparing yourself to others online. While it may be human nature to do so, try your best to create your own goal post and sprinkle in self-compassion and gratitude as you navigate your own goals. — Aayla Alexander
SP
Juliet Kuehnle is the owner and a therapist at Sun Counseling and Wellness and author of Who You Callin’ Crazy?! The Journey From Stigma to Therapy.
