Effortless Entertaining founder DeeDee Dalrymple helps reluctant hosts find joy in entertaining and take the stress out of having guests in our homes. 

by Cathy Martin | photographs courtesy Effortless Entertaining

Tis the season for holiday gatherings — and when it comes to hosting, few people know more than Charlotte’s own DeeDee Dalrymple. A former communications executive and civic leader, since 2017 DeeDee has made a name for herself as a veritable expert on all things entertaining through workshops and speaking engagements across the Southeast. She also authored a nearly 400-page guide to hosting, Effortless Entertaining, which is now in its fourth printing. The book is filled with tips, recipes and menus for various occasions, along with plenty of pep talk and inspiration for the anxious host. 

With topics ranging from etiquette to organizing your pantry, the guide also includes guidance on how to navigate sticky situations like awkward silences, tense conversation topics and uninvited guests.

Hosting large gatherings comes naturally to DeeDee, a Fayetteville native whose Lebanese mother hosted lots of big, boisterous meals with extended family. She’s equally comfortable speaking to large groups — her engagements typically range from 100-200 people — and she’s shared her wisdom with nearly 4,000 women across the Southeast. In 2025, she hopes to launch a second volume of Effortless Entertaining, filled with additional menus, recipes, style points and resources shared in her e-newsletter, The Dish. 

Comments were edited for length.

A holiday place setting, left, and DeeDee Dalrymple, right, founder of Effortless Entertaining

You have said that now more than ever, gathering in our homes is vital to connecting with each other. What do you mean by that? 

The table is where we gather, where friendships are deepened. It always has been. Recently my sister and I were visiting my daughter and her new baby in their bungalow on The Plaza. My sister commented on their beautiful dining room. It occurred to me that older homes usually had big dining rooms and small bathrooms. That spoke to me. There was greater importance placed on gathering versus grooming! 

My husband, Ed, and I enjoy going out to dinner, however we prefer dinner at home with family and friends. I have discovered that others want to enjoy dinner at home too, but they opt to go out because it feels easier. The intimacy and richness in conversation is not the same, though. At home we mingle before dinner in small groups, and at the table we linger and engage in meaningful conversation. We get to know each other at a deeper level. When we invite family and friends into our homes, we truly are inviting them into our hearts, and we are giving them the opportunity to share their hearts. We make lasting memories. 

Why is it important for people to learn how to “be a good host”? 

The phrase “good host” runs the risk of connoting the need to measure up, do something well, and do it the way you think others expect you to do it. I’d rather help people enjoy being a host — in whatever way they want to be. Some want to entertain formally, some more casually; some want to cook, others prefer to have dinner catered; some love to set a creative table and others want an easy “paint by numbers” solution. The “good hosts” are relaxed and having a wonderful time being with their guests. They are entertaining in a way that suits their home and style. Above all, they are not trying to keep up with Suzy Q down the street or everyone posting on Instagram. Those posts are great thought starters or for ideas. We must “not try to be who we see” on Instagram or anywhere else.  

Why do you think people get so stressed out when hosting? 

The two biggest things I encounter are “performance mode” and feeling compelled to do things we don’t enjoy. 

When the host gets in performance mode instead of gift-giving mode, they think too much of the impression they are going to make instead of the gift of hospitality they are giving. Giving a gift focuses on others. Performance focuses on ourselves. When I speak to groups, I always say, “If you don’t remember anything else I say, please remember this: Dinner with friends is not a performance — it’s a gift of hospitality.” Giving a gift is fun — performing, not so much! 

The second issue I encounter is people feeling they need to do things they dislike. For example, many feel if they are having guests for dinner they must cook, even if they don’t like to cook. Not so! Your guests are excited to be in your home and be together. They don’t care if you cook or not.

What’s a common misconception people have about entertaining? 

Often the host feels every guest is going to be judging everything in their home, from the décor to how the table is set to how the meal tastes, and the list goes on and on. Your guests are so honored and excited to be invited, they simply aren’t judging you. They are grateful to be included and excited to be with each other. Stop worrying about what everyone is going to think. You’re giving your guests a gift. Enjoy your guests! 

Holiday hosting tips 

Create traditions 

Lots of family time is most important for the Dalrymples, but they also have a “friend” tradition that’s more than 30 years strong: “Every year we decorate gingerbread houses, have dinner, do limbo, have a raucous steal-the-gift exchange and we dance! It is hard to capture how fun and even sacred this tradition is for our families.”

Get organized

“Start your Christmas note either in a party-planning journal or in the Notes function or app on your laptop, iPad or phone. I do this for every dinner party and every holiday. Each year, I copy and paste this into a new note that I edit. I don’t have to reinvent the wheel — I just modify! As I go, I add my grocery list to this note.”

Recipe: Jane’s Eggnog

Serves 10

Making homemade eggnog is a Dalrymple holiday tradition. “We make a lot of eggnog from scratch using Ed’s mother’s recipe,” DeeDee says, recalling memories of her husband and his brother adding “just one more bit” of brandy and teaching their adult children the recipe. “It is a big deal to learn how to make Jane’s eggnog … a cherished family tradition.”

INGREDIENTS

12 eggs
1 3/4 cups sugar
1 pint+ whiskey
1/2 pint+ brandy
1/2 pint+ rum
1 quart whipping cream
1 quart half-and-half

DIRECTIONS

1. Separate eggs, with yolks going into a large mixing bowl and whites going into the bowl of a stand mixer.
2. Add sugar to yolks and mix with an immersion blender. Slowly add whiskey, brandy and rum into yolks and sugar. Mix with immersion blender until creamy.
3. Add 1 quart whipping cream (not whipped), and mix.
4. Whip egg whites in stand mixer until stiff. Gently fold whipped egg whites into egg yolk mixture. The mixture will be slightly lumpy.
5. Add half-and-half, and stir.
6. Serve in silver or pewter cups or old-fashioned glasses. Top with nutmeg. Enjoy!

Note: Eggnog will keep for 2–3 days in the refrigerator or freezer. It won’t freeze — too much alcohol!

Recipe: Amaretto Cheesecake

Serves 12  

This popular Christmas Eve dessert in the Dalrymple household also freezes well.
Recipe by Jack Bowden.

INGREDIENTS

For the crust:
1 package + 4 crackers cinnamon graham crackers, or approx. half a 14.4-ounce box
1 stick butter, melted
1/4 cup sugar

For the filling:
4 8-ounce packages cream cheese, softened
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 1/2 tablespoon fresh lime juice, about one
large lime
1 pinch salt
4 eggs

For the topping:
1 pint sour cream
1/4 cup sugar
1 teaspoon almond extract

DIRECTIONS

Make the crust:

1. Using a food processor, finely crumble crackers. Mix with melted butter and sugar. 
2. Line bottom and sides of 9-inch springform pan with the crust. 
3. Place in the refrigerator.

Make the filling:

1. In a mixer, combine cream cheese and sugar. 
2. Add lime juice, salt and eggs, adding eggs one at a time. Pour into crust. 
3. Bake at 350° for 45 minutes or until set and it begins to brown. 
4. Remove from oven, and let stand 10 minutes.

Make the topping:

1. Combine sour cream, sugar and almond extract. Spread on top of cheesecake. 
2. Return to the oven for 10 minutes.
3. Place cheesecake directly into refrigerator from oven, uncovered for 4-5 hrs. 
4. Cover and chill. 

Notes: 

• Recipe may be prepared 4-5 days in advance. Keep covered and chilled. 
• Remove from refrigerator approx. 30 minutes to 1 hour before serving.
• When baking, place a sheet pan under the springform pan, as butter can leak from the pan.

To learn more, visit myeffortlessentertaining.com or follow @effortlessentertaining on Instagram and Facebook.

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